I can’t believe that 2012 is here already. It just seems like it came so quick.  Although 2011 was not a very good year for our family & friends, it did have some highlights. We welcomed a niece on my husband’s side & a nephew on mine. All 4 of my children were in school full time, which left me with my days at home to myself for the 1st time in 15 years. I turned 35 & decided to make time for myself. Ball seasons were successful for all of the kids. Dave found a job closer to home! We lost a few special people this past year as well. My Grandpa being the closest to me. It was heartbreaking, but I am thankful he didn’t suffer long. he was my rock. I was his favorite. I can smile now, knowing this is true. We also lost our beloved dachshund Ruby this year. That was heartbreaking for all of us.

Looking toward the future, I am going to try & be a better person. I want to show my children that no matter what God gives us, we have to make the best of it. I have been different since losing my Mom & Grandma & Grandpa in the past 3 years. There is no light in my eyes, no spring in my step, no shine around me. I’m dull, quiet, depressed, & sad. I need to be thankful for what I do have around me. I will start to be thankful as of today. I will stop & smell the roses more often.

I have to live in the present. I tend to wander to my past too often, wishing things were the way they were before… It’s not possible. I never thought losing them would take this much happiness out of my life. I depending on them being there way more than I realized. I try to keep the family together, but since losing my Mom, we’ve all become sad. She was the rock that kept us together. I try, but I am not her. I can be strong & say “This is the way it is. Be here or else!” for family dinners, but it doesn’t mean they have to listen to me. No one can take her place.

So, from here on out, I am giving myself 15 minutes of grieving daily, but no more than that. I have to go on. I want to be happy again.

I want to be organized again. I have let a lot of things slip in the past 3 years. I’m done. I want to be organized, I want to be structured, & I want to have my ish together.

You never know what life will throw at you, but my Grandma always said “God only gives you what you can handle.” He must know something I don’t, because I haven’t dealt with any of this well. Now it’s time to see what He sees in me.

I start a new job in 2 days (my 1st one in 8 years). I’m scared, excited, happy, worried, & looking forward to it. I hope I like it. I need to get out of the house for a few hours a day & this is the perfect opportunity for me to do that. So here’s to a new year with new opportunities, new friends, new ideas, new outlooks, & new thoughts. Happy thoughts always…

I look at my 7 year old & she seems to have it all together. She smiles, she laughs, she doesn’t worry about too many things. I want to be like her…

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